Trials/Tribulation/Adversity/Adoption?

Yesterday at around noon my life changed quite a bit for the weekend. My grandparents came to visit and watch my sister play volleyball, and they brought my seven year old cousin. I love that little girl with all my heart, but you see, I've only known her for two years.

Brief story on Emmalynn:
I don't know all the details on her story but here is what I do know. Two years ago my uncle and aunt adopted that sweet little girl. She was living in very poor conditions, sometimes in a car. She didn't go to school like she was suppose too, and the love she needed wasn't there. My aunt and uncle had been trying to have kids, but couldn't so in return they took in Emmalynn. She was behind in her education and learning abilities and was very apprehensive. She had learned to be very self efficient.

Now with that said, remember that was the first 5 years of her life. In my opinion the first 5 years are crucial to being loved and cared for. My aunt and uncle are two of the most loving people I have ever met. They are totally self-less. When they took in Emmalynn, their lives changed dramatically. That can't be easy. They were thrown into parenthood in just a couple weeks. CRAZY! She has amazing manners, she is brilliant, and knows Jesus. Can you say awesome parenting in two years? A total gift from God right there.

Now let me tell you another story. You see Emmalynn's new daddy is my dad's brother but he looks nothing like my family. My grandparents have eight kids. Five biological children and three adopted children. Here's a story my grandpa tells about the adopted uncles and aunt.

Excerpt from John Burgeson's blog. Some story about Samuel!
He heard the very voice of God!

I've many times wanted to have that experience.
Never have though. But yet --

I'm going to tell you a story.

Think about January. Remember what it's like?

Picture with me a downtown street in Seoul, Korea
Friday, January 25, 1974. A few years ago.

Snow -- ice -- slush -- maybe freezing rain --
Dark. Gloomy. Unlike Durango!

An unpleasant time of year.

Two children walking along that street.
the boy is four, his sister is just two.
Her birthday was four days ago;
it was not a happy time.

The boy's right hand
(his left one is hurt)
is holding on tightly to little sister..
And her hand to his.

It's a miserable day
to be out in the cold.
It's a terrible day to be homeless.

It's a ghastly day to be orphans,
in a culture where orphans are "nobodies."

Last year was a disaster.
The little girl had been badly burned.
Mother died of "the sickness" last spring.
The boy's left hand mutilated in a farm accident.

The worse time of all came, however,
at Christmas time,
in the car crash,
when dad died.

The boy had seen it happen.
He remembered the flames.

Their home was a rental,
their possessions few.
No relatives.

A neighbor took them in for awhile.
But she couldn't keep them.

Now they are walking along this dismal city street
-- to an orphanage.

They'll be looked after there, more or less,
raised to adulthood, if they live;
the mortality rate is said to be 50%.

No family to love and nurture them;
adoption is not part of the Korean culture.

Their future is an institution;

the only love they will experience
is that which they have for each other.

It's cold in the city.

Two small children trudge up the dirty steps
of an impersonal, poorly-funded, overcrowded
government institution, their lives shattered.

Hand in hand they go.
Holding ever so tight to each other.

It's a dreadful day. Nobody cares.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I misspoke.

God cared. He had already been at work --
months earlier.

Sunday, August 12, 1973. The previous year.
Delray Beach, Florida.

With a growing family,
Carol and I had bought an unfinished house.
We were spending every available hour working on it,
keeping just ahead of the city building inspector!

It was a bigger job than we had imagined.

That Sunday we decided to skip our own church
for one down the block
where we could "sneak in/out" easily
and get back to the job early.

The kids settled in Sunday School,
we walked into the only adult class.

Oh no!
A retired missionary is going to lecture on a Psalm!
What have we done? Will we be able to stay awake?

Maybe we should go have a cup of coffee?

We stayed.

I don't remember the guy's name --
Don't remember his message!
But, oh my! I do remember the Scripture!
God's word. It burned! Deep.

Psalm 127: (Paraphrased)

Unless the Lord builds the house,
their labor is futile who build it.

It is useless for you to be early in rising
while being late in sitting up,
eating the bread of toil;
for he gives to His loved ones sleep.

Behold, children are a legacy from the Lord;
the fruit of the womb is His reward.
As arrows in the hand of a mighty man,
so are the children of one's youth.

Blessed is the man who has his quiver full of them.

Back home, Carol left on an errand,
the kids to whatever activities kids do,
on a warm Sunday afternoon
when dad's orders for house-building chores have mysteriously stopped.

I sat at the kitchen table
and pondered the message I had so clearly heard.
We had six children already, one adopted.
Resources were at the limit.

All the practical reasons in the world to ignore this word from the Lord.

That wasn't possible.

I drafted a letter to the adoption agency,
asking them for -- specifically -- a brother/sister pair;
I could "see" them as I wrote. Then I stopped.

"How am I going to explain this letter to Carol?" I asked myself.

Carol came in -- "I've just written a letter..." I began -- she stopped me.

(Here I'm reading from her notes, written shortly afterwards).

"Please let it wait.
I need to tell you of the most fascinating thought I had.
I think God is trying to tell us to have two more babies from Korea, a boy and a girl.
That lesson we heard this morning seemed to really speak to me!"

I showed her the letter.

Family council.

Unanimous consent.

The letter, signed by all the family,
down to the very youngest,
Daniel,
not quite four,
was mailed the next day.

The Lord had a test -- and a confirmation -- for us.

Now it's five months later. Monday, January 21, 1974.
A letter from the agency;
we were approved! Praise the Lord!
(Bureaucracies don't generally move that fast!).

Then, turn to page 2.
Devastation!

They had no brother/sister pair to fit our family!
They were suggesting a single adoption.

But this was wrong!

The Lord had told us differently!

Had He, really?

On Wednesday, January 23rd, 1974,
after considerable prayer,
we wrote back.

In essence, we said:

We're right

You're wrong.

We'll wait.

The Lord had promised us.
He enabled.

Two days later,
on January 25, 1974,
our beloved son
and our beloved daughter,
Byung Tae Jung, and Byung Tae Soon,
(David and Mary Lee),
entered the orphanage;

shortly after, they arrived into our home,
and lives,
and hearts.

God's plan.
Not ours.
We just did the physical stuff.

Oh God! What if we had left that class that day!

When I was a boy in Sunday School,
there was a hymn we sang.

I did not appreciate it then.
I believe it --
really believe it now:

When you walk with the Lord,
In the light of His word,
What a GLORY he shines on your way...

I have seen that glory...

Will you sing that hymn with me now?

You see adoption has run through my family. My grandma says that people ask her why she adopted Korean babies, and her answer was "i know what white ones looked like" I think we take our hardships, our trials, our bad days, and we act like the world is going to end. ((Now please know this I am not talking about serious trials and hardships) but what I am talking about is, when the day isn't going OUR way. When we get mad because life isn't how we want it. There are children all over the world who might not ever get a day that is even happy. They might not ever experience love and peace of a home, or even a place that they feel unafraid. ((are we all that lucky to have that, no, so I'm talking to those people too))

This is a long blog and I'm sorry, but last night as I was laying by my sweet little cousin... I realized that I serve a God that is beyond all my crappy/bad days. And that I have it GOOD! She said the sweetest prayer before bed, so I know she now has a peace, and she knows she is home. So my question is, are you home? Adoption isn't just getting a child and bringing them into your family. It's making a place a home, and God is our home when you take the gift of salvation, so have you ever had that feeling of being HOME?

So my challenge is not to go out and adopt (although if you want to GO FOR IT), but rather take all those crappy days and make them into good ones because we have it SO good. And if for some reason you can't make those happy days good, ask yourself are you really HOME?

PERU MISSION TRIP!!

Hey guys! So we got home from Peru a couple days ago. I don’t even know if I can begin to explain the excitement and awesomeness of the trip! God did work, and he did a lot of it. So I really don’t know where to start, so here’s how we’re gonna do this blog… I wrote a note on facebook, so I’m gonna put that on here, and at the end I’ll put what God did through my life! K?


A day by day report!

Tuesday, June 21st: We started at 2:50 in the morning and headed to the airport. We had a stressful morning trying to get everyone on the plane, but it all worked out. We left and got to Florida where we went on a boat tour and hung out for a little while. The college kids got in a taxi where the taxi driver was watching a YouTube video on his iphone, texting on another, making a call, going 80mph, and making a drug deal all at the same time! lol. WOW!!! We finally got to Lima around 10:30 and made it to the hotel. We crashed and got an okay nights sleep in.

Wednesday, June 22nd: Woke up early and had a yummy breakfast, then loaded on a bus and stayed on that for 9 hours!!! We got to Trujillo that night and we visited with Noelia's family for a bit then headed to the camp and spent the night.

Thursday, June 23rd: WORK WORK WORK! Let the work begin, we started by painting the inside of la mana building and then after lunch the college kids went to the other side of camp and sanded the whole building. Holy moly we were sore after that day. We had dinner, went to the bodega, and then had a bible study that night.

Friday, June 24th: STAIN STAIN STAIN! We stained and stained and others painted and painted. We only worked in the morning, but we accomplished a lot that day. That afternoon we headed to the orphanage that is about 15 minutes from the camp! Those kids were amazing. There was one little girl from last year I really wanted to see again, and as soon as i got to the orphanage I searched and searched, when I finally found her, she remembered me. Blanca and I hung out the remainder of the time we got to be there with them. After the orphanage we hiked up to a look out and got to see God's beauty around the area. There is just something amazing about walking around a small village in Peru, that just makes you smile from ear to ear!!! We had dinner, went to the bodega, and had bible study

Saturday, June 25th: Work work till the sun goes down. We worked really hard that day. We were determined to finish almost everything, so we could leave touch up stuff for Sunday. We got the inside and outside stained and painted on the convention center. We got a lot done! We ate dinner, went to the bodega (it was a every day event) and then had bible study.

Sunday, June 26th: BEST DAY EVER!! we went to church and it was an amazing service! Dad preached and Noelia translated. To see people worship in another country really rocks your world. Then we finished up and cleaned up the job site. We showered afterwards and then headed to Shiran to hang out with the people. We started with just playing with a few little kids, and before we knew it we had about 20 kids in the center of town and a crowd watching us from around. We played duck duck goose and a Peruvian game with them. When we left they all gave us lil kisses and it was so much fun just to love on the local kiddos. After we played we had dinner, and on our way to the bodega we heard the church having another service so we snuck in and worshiped with them again. Then we had bible study and packed everything up.

Monday, June 27th: We loaded up and told Noelia's family good-bye (or CHOW) then we got on the bus for another 9 hours on our way back to Lima. That ride was rough and we were not feeling too hot by the time the bus stopped. We got back to the hotel and slept for a few hours.

Tuesday, June 28th: wake up at the crack of dawn and head to the airport. We got there ate a quick breakfast and boarded our flight to Cusco. When we arrived in Cusco we did a little shopping and walked around the main plaza. We got our first experience with haggling, and boy was that fun.......NOT! We got a lot of awesome stuff though. We went to bed pretty early because we knew that the next couple days were going to be very chaotic.

Wednesday, June 29th: Machu Picchu. We bussed to a train then to a bus and hiked Machu Picchu! All i can say is God is an amazing amazing God. It was so beautiful. Pictures don't do it justice. It was a once in a lifetime experience, and I am so glad I got to do it with some amazing friends and family. After we went through Machu Picchu we bussed to the train and then to the bus back to the hotel.

Thursday, June 30th: ONE SAD SAD SAD DAY!!! We left Cusco and flew back to Lima. Noelia's parents picked us up and we went and toured Lima. We got to see the traditional ceremony of the guard changes at the Presidents house. That was pretty sweet! Then we had lunch where I had a beef heart, a little bit of guinea pig, and octopus. YUMMY! (well except for the octopus) After lunch we did some last minute shopping and then headed to the airport to head back to the U.S. of A! We stayed on a plane forever and a day, and got back this morning (July 1st) around 10.





What God Did!

1.So what did God do? Well to start he broke my heart in a million pieces. As soon as I walked out of the airport into Peruvian air, my heart began to break; not that it wasn’t already broken, but you forget what it’s like (especially living in America). He made me realize how blessed and lucky I have it. He taught me how to love in a whole new way.

2.He gave me a mission field. I know that when I’m here in the U.S my mission field is the classroom and preschool ministry. I know that, but I knew there was more, but couldn’t figure it out. Well I got my wake up call. Children of Peru! I am still not sure what I am gonna do or to what extent my involvement will be, but I know I am called to work with the children in Peru. The days we got to play with kids were the happiest days of my life. We played and laughed together, only understanding a little bit of what the other was saying, but it was perfect. When we left I got so many little kisses and hugs, and I was fighting back tears. Those children deserve to see love, a love from God.

3.He also did something I wasn’t expecting. He laid on my heart some stuff about my future man. I have always wanted and known I am called into the ministry, but then it hit me on the trip… I want a man who is going to serve with me. Who will be right by my side and us serving together, I think I’ve always had that in mind, but it wasn’t my mindset. I want it to be a team effort. He also is preparing my heart for the guy to show up and wow me. I’m stubborn, a hot head, and very independent. He showed me on the trip that I can’t do it all, I am going to have to be a bit dependent because I can’t do life alone. Let me clarify I am dependent on God, but when it comes to others, especially guys, I am a very independent girl!



So those are a few things God did through me and I know he worked through our team. He created new relationships, new experiences, new conversations, and he made us all extremely close. The college kids and I became very close, and we got to have some awesome relationships with the high school girls that went! I know that God is still working on us, for me I know for sure. I still try to speak Spanish when I go out, or pay in sols. Being home is breaking my heart, because half (if not more) Americans don’t realize how good we have it. Even the poorest American has it better than most Peruvians. So if you wouldn’t mind, saying a prayer for my friends in Peru, God is surely at work there and there is so much to be done! Thanks for all your prayers and support! Love yall!

Isaiah 52:7 - one week from Peru

This time next week I will be double checking my bags and getting ready to head to Peru the following morning. I have been waiting to go back to that country since I left it in January of 2010. The country is so beautiful and so welcoming to others. The area we go to work, is by no means the richest or well off place, in fact you will walk to local bodega (store) with trash on the side of the road in excess amounts. The children run around the small town barefoot with the biggest smiles on their faces. When driving around Peru you see colorful buildings, graffiti, trash, smiles, laughter, and a whole side of a culture we as Americans can't even begin to imagine. I miss the sounds of the horns as the taxis speed around each other, ignoring any traffic sign. The smell of sweet ahi de gallina and inca cola. I miss the sound of a different language as you walk through the town. I miss the peace that comes from no electricity we can use besides lights (because our wattage and theirs is different) I miss no technology and you have so much time to just reflect on what God is doing in the country, your circle you live in, and yourself!

So i just described my paradise on earth. I for sure do not need a fancy house/car/money. I love how the Peruvians live. I love the fact that being (hopefully eventually living) in a 3rd world country can be so rewarding. The thing is I don't go there for just kicks, I go there to work for my Lord, Jesus Christ. We work at a Baptist camp fixing it up to use for the hundreds of people it has coming through its door each year. The camp was fully funded, but 10 years ago all funding was cut completely and because of that the camp fell apart. A new camp coordinator stepped in and slowly the camp is being repaired. We also raise enough money so the orphanage children, that live about 15 minutes from the camp, can go and hear about Jesus. For most it's the first time they hear about him because it is a state run orphanage. We got to spend a little bit of time with the kids last time, and my heart opened wide open and broke because these kids never know what it is like to be loved by parents. They have a "house mom" but it's not the person who raises you to love the Lord. I so take my parents for granted. The smiles they had on their faces are smile I will NEVER forget. I'm praying we get to go again! (i've learned father abraham and jesus loves me in spanish to sing with them!!)


So i know you're probably going, Ashlee! Really? Enough already get to the point. Our theme this year is Isaiah 52:7, it's on our t-shirts so we don't forget. It reads “How beautiful on the mountains, are the feet of the messenger who brings good news, the good news of peace and salvation, the news that the God of Israel[b] reigns!"
It's also in Romans 10:15 "And who will go without being sent, that is why the scripture says, how beautiful are the feet of the messengers who bring the good news". When we are in Peru we don't get a whole lot of one on one time with the locals, but what we do get to do is plant seeds for somebody (the camp staff) to spread the word of Jesus. If we couldn't help rebuild the camp, they wouldn't be in a situation to be able to tell others. Our job in one week is to plant a seed. We are going to plant a seed in the conference center, so they can have Baptist pastors come and meet about what they can do to help spread the word. We get to be the feet to help more feet come and light the way. It's awesome how it works. It's so worth it.

So in one week, 7 days, 168 hours, 10,080 minutes, 604,800 seconds a team of 15 people will venture to Peru and get to do some work! It's the best thing I could imagine doing with my summer. So please pray for us as we go. We are excited and ready! (Plus it's like 100 plus here and there is a whole whopping 70 degrees! haha sucka!!)

Please pray for

Sam, Josh, Farley, Jill, Vicki, Noelia, Evan, Kimberly, Kayla, Maycie, Macy, Lexis, Reagen, Noah, and myself as we head out on the 21st! Thank you! :)






this one is one that the camp made for my church the last time we went



i found this one on youtube and cried the whole time. it's a good one


another great one! this is close to the area we are working, about 40 minutes from the camp.

Who Guards Your Heart???

Who guards my heart?
  

I have had so many Christian brothers and sisters try to tell me they are guarding my heart. It is probably the one thing that makes my skin crawl. I don't understand how they think they have the power to do that. It is defiantly not biblical. I mean how does one obtain the power to guard the most fragile, vulnerable, scared part of who a person is. I'm not talking about the beating blood pumping organ in your body. But your spiritual emotional heart. The one that describes you. The one that defines a person and where work is always being done. How can any human being possibly guard that? The maker of the universe made that so precious, that only he can really see it fully. 

You see I have been a Christian since I was eight years old and that June summer night i gave my heart to God. My heart belongs to him. He is constantly working in my heart. I have had plenty of mess ups and trials, yet he is right with me and has been my healer. God is the only person in my life who can guard my heart. He truly has my best interests at heart. He knows me completely. He knows every little detail. He knows the things I struggle with and the things I find most joy. He sees the me, nobody else can see. God and God alone guards my heart. 

Yes, people can protect you, pray, want the best for you, try to have your best interests at heart. A few examples. First My parents. They raised me to fear the Lord, to love people, they protected me, cared for me, pray for me, they want to see me shine, and try to have my best interests at heart. Second Men. The last few guys I've had interest in, have protected me, for instance, we were walking on a bridge and a drunk homeless man was there, and the guy grabbed me and put himself in the line of danger instead of mr (the drunk man didn't do anything btw). Third Friends. They see me go though life and are there to love me and support me through it all. Granted all these people had/have my best interests at heart but the bottom line is they have or will all hurt me. Maybe not intentionally but they will because they are human. God however will never hurt me. Never abandon me. Humans can't do that so in that case they cannot guard another persons heart. Only God can do that. 

Now understand this. I get the fact that a person would want to have your best interest at heart, to protect you, to pray for you, and to live for you. That is an amazing quality to have in family, friends, your main squeeze, but please know that someday they will hurt you, disappoint you, leave you. Not on purpose but because we are human and we are going to mess up. The person who will never leave, hurt, or abandon you is God, and he is the only one who can protect your heart. 


Verses for reference::

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:7

Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth. Malachi 2:15

This is what the lord says: "Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the lord.  Jeremiah 17:5

When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Psalm 73:21-24

for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones.  Proverbs 2:8

Can a 2 year old renew your faith?

Hey guys, so it's been entirely way to long, and i apologize for that. There hasn't been happening much over the last few months, but over the past few weeks is a different story. I have had a heart for just writing, and this is the first time i have been given the opportunity to just sit and write. So here we go.

I have been going to a college led worship service on Monday nights, and they are doing a series on healing. Just what the doctor called for. You see it doesn't matter what I do, whether it be teaching my preschoolers, school, my job, a relationship, or just daily tasks. I am the type of person who does it and does it with all my heart. I live life with my heart wide open, meaning, if I have a passion for it, you better believe that I am gonna do it BIG! Now the question is what happens when the thing i have put my heart into fails or falls to pieces or crashes around me? Well I end up heart broken and in so much pain.

I keep asking God why he keeps putting me through pain, and then it hit me last night in Chi Alpha, that's how he made me. Whether the situation on whatever I'm in i do it with all my heart, because that's who i am. That's how he made me. I teach my preschool kids every week that they are special to God, and I am having to listen to my own teachings because I am special to God. I am a very passionate person, and many times when i put my soul into it I get hurt, but it's not a terrible thing, because every time i get hurt, or my heart breaks I get so much stronger. I become a better teacher, i become a better student, a better daughter, a better friend, a better girlfriend. Granted I am nowhere near close or amazing at what I do, but I try my best at everything, and I do it for the glory of God.

So the next question is, how long do you hurt how long do you let something that failed bother you? Well in my life, the things never go away. I will always have every situation that I went all in on, in my heart because it is a learning experience, but I learn that since they didn't work, God has something else in store for me, and it's gonna rock my world.

So I'm sure you are thinking why is her title "can a 2 year old renew your faith?" well let me tell you. I teach preschoolers every Sunday night. We learn so much every week, and the best part about it is, that I get to watch them grow each week, and tell me their Bible story and their memory verse. This past Sunday, i taught about the prodigal son returning and we threw him a party because his father loved him no matter what, and that God loves us no matter what. One of my little kids was singing their songs, and had so much joy, and looked at me and said "ms. Ashlee, i am special to God and so are you" and it hit me, that God does care about my pain, and although the pain might not be just taken away at an instant he is always right beside me, and in a process of healing my broken heart. So a little two year old can renew my faith and give me hope for a happier day!

:)

Be Still vs. Do Nothing

The first part of Psalm 46:10 says, "Be still and no that I am God..."

What does that mean to you? I'm gonna get on my soap box for this one. Sorry if I offend you. I have heard so many of my college friends saying "I am just going to sit and let God work." or one of my favorites "God just needs me to wait and do nothing like the verse when it says be still"...... SERIOUSLY?

God has called us to go and make disciples. Carry his word to the ends of the Earth. Tell everybody we come in contact with about him, and love his people like crazy.

And YES God has called us to be still and recognize his greatness. When I look at the first part of this verse, here is how I read it (You can see it differently, just my opinion) When He says be still, it means in everything you do on this Earth, realize that you are serving a mighty God. We serve a mighty God, and so often as Christians we like to take the credit. But it's not about us. He wants us to breath while we work and see how awesome he is.

EXAMPLE:: Josh Hamilton (center fielder for the Rangers) he plays 9 innings straight. When he isn't on the field he's in the dugout getting ready for his spot in the lineup to go bat. Now lets say. Josh never got a break. He played defense then ran and didn't get a break and went straight to batting, then he never left the bases and three outs later he was back out on the field. Okay he would be exhausted if he did that three innings. When he gets off the field and into the dugout, the guys have water, seeds, Gatorade, and whatever else they need to relax from the game for a few minutes. Then it's game time again, and he does it again.

Our lives are very similar. We need a water break from the game we are playing (life) So God has asked us to be still for a second and realize we are playing for a bigger being than ourselves.


So many Christians take this verse and think they aren't to work or do anything. That God will provide everything they need, as long as they just sit. A friend told me a story, that they had a friend who didn't work, yet needed the money to get home, so he asked God for the money, while in reality this guy hasn't done squat nothing to deserve it.

It is important for us to realize that being still and doing nothing are two totally different things. We are called to LIVE on this Earth, but while we LIVE we need to have a short time-out and realize who we are living for. Doing nothing does not glorify the kingdom but being still does!

So challenge:: Don't do nothing. Do something and while doing something take time to praise and realize the mighty God we serve.

Long time no talk

So I haven't blogged in forever, and now just seemed like a perfect time. In my life I have been dealing with two major things....my future and my self-esteem. I have been doing a lot more praying and more listening to God. God has placed amazing people in my life who have guided me a heck of a lot this semester. So I'm gonna discuss those two points tonight.


FUTURE::
I have been picturing my future a lot nowadays. I am real close to being 20, two years from being done with school, and things are starting to race through my mind. For instance. When is Mr. Right gonna show up, do i want to teach high school or elementary, do i want to work with a youth group or with children's ministries, and when am i gonna find out all these answers. My mind has been really busy. I have always had my life planned out. I knew when i wanted to get married, have kids, start teaching, work in the church. I have had my life planned out.
But God has had other plans. He has put me in an awesome church, where I get to lead sweet little ones and teach them about Jesus. He has changed my mind about teaching, and he hasn't placed Mr. right in my life, given me different opportunities to serve him, and opened up doors into Africa.

So what i have learned is that this life is not mine. I am not living for me, but for my King. I have had to realize that in the past two months. It's been a long journey but a good one. This life i live is not mine, and when God is ready for me to make my next step, he'll guide me through it, but until then i have to be patient and just love and serve Him.


Self-Esteem::
Looking back at my past, I haven't chosen the best guys to date. They have effected how I see myself, and I hate to say I let a guy control me, but I have. They have dug in my brain, and made me think I am not beautiful. But I have had to slap myself in the face a few times, and realize that what they have done to me or said to me does not make me ugly or not worthy. My God made me beautiful he made us all beautiful. I have put a verse on my sink mirror and I read it daily, and it says I am fearfully and wonderfully made. God made me wonderful. Now granted, there are people who take their "beauty" to an extreme, but there is not problem walking around and feeling good about yourself. I still don't think highly of myself, and think it's gonna take a lot of work, because lots of damage has been done, but in due time I think i'll get there. So this part is a MAJOR work in process.


CHALLENGE::

When you are worried about your future......RELAX and let God love you. He has and knows the big picture for us. And when you look in the mirror and don't like what you see.......know that God made you. The KING of the WORLD made you. Creator of all made you. And you are BEAUTIFUL!

Both these things nag on me daily. I am a person who is very structured and I want to know exactly whats next in my life, and so the future part is hard for me to let go of. And I have to realize nobody on this earth can change the fact that God made me and I am wonderfully made!

Hope you are ready for the Christmas Break! Love you all! :)