Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Long time no talk
So I haven't blogged in forever, and now just seemed like a perfect time. In my life I have been dealing with two major things....my future and my self-esteem. I have been doing a lot more praying and more listening to God. God has placed amazing people in my life who have guided me a heck of a lot this semester. So I'm gonna discuss those two points tonight.
I have been picturing my future a lot nowadays. I am real close to being 20, two years from being done with school, and things are starting to race through my mind. For instance. When is Mr. Right gonna show up, do i want to teach high school or elementary, do i want to work with a youth group or with children's ministries, and when am i gonna find out all these answers. My mind has been really busy. I have always had my life planned out. I knew when i wanted to get married, have kids, start teaching, work in the church. I have had my life planned out.
But God has had other plans. He has put me in an awesome church, where I get to lead sweet little ones and teach them about Jesus. He has changed my mind about teaching, and he hasn't placed Mr. right in my life, given me different opportunities to serve him, and opened up doors into Africa.
So what i have learned is that this life is not mine. I am not living for me, but for my King. I have had to realize that in the past two months. It's been a long journey but a good one. This life i live is not mine, and when God is ready for me to make my next step, he'll guide me through it, but until then i have to be patient and just love and serve Him.
Looking back at my past, I haven't chosen the best guys to date. They have effected how I see myself, and I hate to say I let a guy control me, but I have. They have dug in my brain, and made me think I am not beautiful. But I have had to slap myself in the face a few times, and realize that what they have done to me or said to me does not make me ugly or not worthy. My God made me beautiful he made us all beautiful. I have put a verse on my sink mirror and I read it daily, and it says I am fearfully and wonderfully made. God made me wonderful. Now granted, there are people who take their "beauty" to an extreme, but there is not problem walking around and feeling good about yourself. I still don't think highly of myself, and think it's gonna take a lot of work, because lots of damage has been done, but in due time I think i'll get there. So this part is a MAJOR work in process.
When you are worried about your future......RELAX and let God love you. He has and knows the big picture for us. And when you look in the mirror and don't like what you see.......know that God made you. The KING of the WORLD made you. Creator of all made you. And you are BEAUTIFUL!
Both these things nag on me daily. I am a person who is very structured and I want to know exactly whats next in my life, and so the future part is hard for me to let go of. And I have to realize nobody on this earth can change the fact that God made me and I am wonderfully made!
Hope you are ready for the Christmas Break! Love you all! :)