To briefly update you on the last few weeks... I have started my senior year in college! It's been a tad crazy. I am preparing to be a teacher, and all though the homework isn't hard, it's a lot of work!! I start my actual practicums next week (which means I'll be in a classroom....TEACHING!!) I also started a new job as a math tutor at Central Freshman Campus! LOVE IT!
Upward Cheerleading is going GREAT! I love my little girls! I have about 70 little ones and some AWESOME coaches! They're great and help me keep a level and sane head! :) We had Cheer Camp last weekend and had over half of the girls show up!! YIPPPEEEE!
Life has been a little different this semester. I am almost always with Jill, but I have also started attending another church (heads up to all my baptist friends). I'm attending First Assembly of God! I go there on Monday nights with my girlfriends to a college worship service (all denominations) and it's awesome! So I decided to see what the actual Sunday service was like, and I like it. I came to the realization, that it really doesn't matter what denomination you are.... it's all how about how you live your life and serve the Lord. My parents said it best, "you could spend hours debating different denomination doctrine, but in the grand scheme of things, we have too many people dying because they don't know Jesus to fight over the little things over denomination. We've got to go love on people!"
OKAY!! MAIN REASON FOR THE BLOG!
I wanted her in my arms again. I missed my sweet baby. I miss my sweet baby! But through all the preparations I wasn't feeling God leading me... It was defiantly Ashlee lead, I just didn't want to admit it..... Then on Saturday, a lady from my team told me to go read a blog. I read it and instantly God said, "Ashlee, you aren't going to Kenya...I just had to wake you up."
In the blog, it explains that Mattaw is now under new leadership and I do not personally agree with the theological stance they have taken. I am absolutely in love with those children, the missionaries there, the house parents, and did i mention the children?! :) I was sad but by Sunday morning I was so overwhelmed and a tad angry. Why had God, 2 months ago, taken me to a country, where I KNOW he called me to, where I KNOW I am to serve, where I KNOW I left my heart, and then shut the door faster than it was opened the first time? I didn't get.... honestly I don't get it.
I tried to justify it, saying I could deal with a different theological stance, but as I did research, I realized I could not ignore that... So Sunday morning, I'm standing in church and the band starts to sing this song....
(listen to it).
I was overwhelmed. I needed to close my own eyes and see the way God does. I needed to trust that HE is in control. I am still extremely upset, because I might not ever see my sweet Blessing again, or Chumba, or Mary, or Mama Grace.... I might not ever step inside Mattaw again. It's hard to grasp when it's a place that changed your life FOREVER! I do know God has called me to Kenya and he will open doors and allow me to come in again and serve in that country.
The reason I write this, is because I think so many times we all get overwhelmed... whether if it's with God's plan, school, relationships, the hustle of life, or anything. We get overwhelmed and we just STOP! We don't keep pressing forward to seek after God and his Kingdom. We just STOP! (NOT GOOD!!). So after I found out, I was not returning to Mattaw, I remembered something very important...actually it was a few little things.
The Children of Birunda Rescue Center in Kitale Kenya. God had enabled me to sell shirts to raise money to buy supplies for the children and send it to Mrs. Theresa! So I got shopping! I took a few helpful sidekicks with me and we hit walmart up! Let's just say those kids are going to be ecstatic! After church Sunday, I needed to go again, so I loaded up another friend and we hit up Dollar Tree! I realized that God can use me right here in America to change a life in a country that I fell in love with! Many of these children have never heard of the love of Jesus, some never heard of the name of Jesus alone! So tonight, people from Chi Alpha and some of my closet friends are coming over to my apartment and we are going to pray over the items laying on my kitchen table and write letters to the children of Birunda! Praying they seek after Jesus and maybe realize that all though they have crappy lives, they have a Father who loves them unconditionally.
This verse keeps coming to mind. "From the ends of the earth, I cry to you for help when my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the towering rock of safety. 3 for you are my safe refuge, a fortress where my enemies cannot reach me." -Psalm 61:2
I am still extremely sad about not returning to Mattaw, actually to be honest. I'm a mess. This little girl, stole my heart, and I'm not sure I'll see her again.... It's so painful to think about... But I have to trust God and know his plans are bigger! I know God will continue to be with the children, missionaries, and house parents of Mattaw Children's Village. They have saved 70 something little babies from dying without knowing the love of a savior, and these children are now able to LIVE!
Thanks for reading this long blog! Sometimes it's hard to stand for what you believe in, a tad overwhelming, painful, and sucky! But please know that God honors that! "It gives us new life to know that you are standing firm in the Lord." - 1 Thessalonians 3:8!
Have a wonderful Wednesday guys! Love to all!