My life so far!

Sound isn't great, but it works! have a great day!! :D

It's not about me!!

It's not about me! It's not about me! It's not about me!! Surreal right?!? Can you truly grasp that thought? That this life is not about you? It's not about me!

Last night at a college worship service I attend Josh, out university pastor, had an awesome message. He said lots of great stuff but the one thing that struck my heart and wrecked my world was this life is not about me!!

If you truly life your life with that mindset it really makes you stand in awe of the one true God. I have lived my life half way, if that, with that mindset.... I live to serve others, but at the end of the day it was still about me. So I stated to think where I struggle most about it, and I prayed about it...when I woke up this morning, I couldn't help but smile because it's not about me! I wanted to share some of my realizations.

1. Relationships:: I have had a few boyfriends but through the relationships it was always about me and him. Not us together. I realize now that I need a man of God who wants to be with me to pursue Lord together.... I want to go overseas and serve the lord with my man. And live in a godly relationship with him. Purity. I want our relationship to be focused not about us but about God and through rejoicing in who God is, we will benefit in an awesome relationship.

2. Teaching:: it has been about me. I love kids and yes I wanted to help my kids and teach them lot, but in all reality I want to show my kids Jesus through my teaching. I want to be a light for them. When I step into my classroom it's not about me. It's about serving those little hearts and loving them.

3. Friendships:: I love my friends, and I owe them an apology because so many times I make it about me. When in all reality i need to shut up and listen to them, be there, and love them.

4. School:: it's not about me but it's about every child that will walk into my classroom. Whether it be here in the state or a third world country. I need to work my hiney off in school so I can better help my children reach their full potential.

5. My future family:: it won't be about me. When I bring children into the world, I want to raise them to love Jesus. Not by pounding it in their heads but showing jesus' love to them through me and my husband. I want to make sure that as their mother and wife that it doesn't become about me!


So those are some of the major ones I thought about.... I don't know what you're going through, but is your life reflecting yourself or God?!? Because in all reality this life we live is NOT about us!!! It's not about me! Have a great day yall!!! :)

Be this woman!

The wife i want to be.



So I was reading Proverbs 31:10-31 and I was thinking I want to be that wife.... Granted I'm quite far from becoming a wife (shoot I need a boyfriend first lol) but I know I want to be that woman. For my future husband and children.

But I like the passage for more than what then wife acted but who she was. Here's some examples:
 
-
"She is energetic and strong,

a hard worker. She extends a helping hand to the poor

and opens her arms to the needy. She is clothed with strength and dignity,

and she laughs without fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise,

and she gives instructions with kindness. She carefully watches everything in her household

and suffers nothing from laziness. Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;

but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised." (Proverbs 31:17, 20, 25-27, 30 NLT)

Here's what I saw... She was strong. She was independent in the fact that she took care of the household. She did business on the farm. She took care of her family. She enjoyed life, she laughed. She was smart. She was educated. She wasn't a submissive wife or someone who gets walked on all the time, instead she had two feet under her. She served Jesus, her husband, children, and neighbors. So I have a promise I'd like to make to my future husband.... I want to be like the wife in Proverbs 31. 



Here's the whole passage

"Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?

She is more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her,

and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm,

all the days of her life. She finds wool and flax

and busily spins it. She is like a merchant’s ship,

bringing her food from afar. She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household

and plan the day’s work for her servant girls. She goes to inspect a field and buys it;

with her earnings she plants a vineyard. She is energetic and strong,

a hard worker. She makes sure her dealings are profitable;

her lamp burns late into the night. Her hands are busy spinning thread,

her fingers twisting fiber. She extends a helping hand to the poor

and opens her arms to the needy. She has no fear of winter for her household,

for everyone has warm clothes. She makes her own bedspreads.

She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns. Her husband is well known at the city gates,

where he sits with the other civic leaders. She makes belted linen garments

and sashes to sell to the merchants. She is clothed with strength and dignity,

and she laughs without fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise,

and she gives instructions with kindness. She carefully watches everything in her household

and suffers nothing from laziness. Her children stand and bless her.

Her husband praises her: “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,

but you surpass them all!” Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;

but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done.

Let her deeds publicly declare her praise." (Proverbs 31:10-31 NLT)

Good right!??!! I'm gonna be that woman! How bout you?? You don't have to be the stereotype of a "Christian wife" making babies and cooking food. You can be so much more in your life as a Christian woman a Christian wife. So be everything you can be as a woman. Just because you are a woman doesn't mean you are worth less than a man. Embrace who you are and know you are so amazing!!! :)

You can't do it on your own!!

You cant do it on your own....

So I'm twenty coming up on twenty-one in a few months. Every paycheck I take half my check and put it in my savings account and with the other half I use it on tithe, gas, food, taco Tuesday, and maybe a little shopping. My goal was to save enough money to pay for my apartment next semester. Do it on my own. Without my parents. To be independent. 

But here's what I know.... I can do it alone. My parents will have to rescue me, send me money, loan me money, eventually because things happen. But here's another thing I know, they don't do it because they have to but because they want to take care of their baby. Even if it's not giving money it's helping me learn to mansgr it. To take care of it. Yes they want me to be independent, learn how to manage money, become my own person...but I am their child and they will always be there for me.....why? Because they love me.


So you're probably saying what's this about Ashlee?!? Well just like my money situation with my parents always being there to help me.... Thats how God is. He's always there. I cannot live my life by myself. Even if God isn't giving me everything, he is giving me the tools. Just like my parents. 

I have known many people who become very prideful with their want to make it on their own....the thing is....we can't do it on our own....ever. So how do you overcome pride?!? Well first off let people help you. Let God help you. 

So whether you struggle with earthly pride like money or spiritual pride we have to accept help. I'll be real honest, I've strived my whole life to be independent but as the years go by i realize it's stupid. I cant do it alone. First off I need Jesus. He has to be the center of my life and everything I do. Second is I need my parents. They spent eighteen years supporting me and raising me, and just because I'm out of the house I still need their support and guidance and sometimes physical help.

So my challenge for myself and you is go accept help. Help doesn't make you weak but it humbles you. It trashes your pride. Because in reality we can't do anything in this world alone. Ever! I'm not saying be dependent on your parents or earthly things but you do need to be dependent on God. And one way is letting others help you. Most likely God has put them in your life to help you, guide you, and love you. So let them...... They just want what's best for you. Let God work and stop bring so prideful with what earthly things you have yet grateful for what you have and when others want to help.

Here I am Send Me! -Isaiah 6:8

So I, as well as many of my friends, have a heart to go off for a semester, summer, years ad be a missionary over seas. If I could go now....I would. I want to be in Peru so bad, but I know God isn't ready for me to head out yet. He needs me here at ASU, in Texas, and in the States.
To be honest, knowing that he will send me on his time makes me realize that my degree and time here in the states are a tool to help prepare me to go. The problem I am facing now is not to get so caught up with getting to Peru/ Instead I need to be focus on letting God use me here, as much as he wants and needs.

Story Time:: Last fall semester I was trying to get a trip together for Kim and I to go to Kenya on a mission trip. I have always wanted to do work in Africa...I had got the whole trip together and yet I wasn't feeling that's where God wanted/needed me. I kept pushing on because I really wanted to go to Kenya and work. By the time spring rolled around our parents were not at ease with our trip to Kenya, but all of a sudden a ten day trip to Peru opened up. Once we heard of it, a total peace came to our families and we knew that was God's plan for us. We got to go to Peru with some amazing friends and do some amazing work for God. I also got my calling while in Peru.

So why do I share that story? Because I know how easy it is to want to go off, and even though we have intentions of going for God if it's not what God wants, it's not right. For my friends and I we are here because God is using us here, but when God calls us we'll be ready.

I know I am suppose to be in Peru, but not quite yet. I am suppose to get my degree and stay here at least two more years and serve my God here before I move to Peru for awhile. So my prayer for those who are dealing with wanting to go off and serve.... make sure it's God's plan. My plan was to serve in Africa, and although I still want to go there eventually, I know God needs me in Peru. So be patient and wait on the Lord. He'll call you and then it'll be your time! :)

A Disease.....Racism

Racism. The cold hard truth


Before I start this blog I would like to express my feelings on racism… I was raised not to see color, I was taught that whether a person was white, black, brown, red, purple, or hot pink; skin color does NOT make one person better than another. I see racism as a very SICK disease.

So let’s begin with a story, shall we? This is a true story. I’m not gonna give names or the name of places to protect people…

This past Friday night I am sitting in a high school gym watching my sister play volleyball, but let me explain to you exactly where I am. I am in Fort Worth in a school that isn’t inner-city but close. We walk through the doors to the school and are greeted by three fully armed police officers. You walk in a tiny gym, it was very crowded, we are mixed in with their fans and let me just say their fans had spirit. You see the only white people in the gym, with the exception of maybe five, were all from Mineral Wells.
((here are the results I found when looking at the cultural diversity between the school we were at and MWHS… The other school:: is 60% black 20% white 20% brown….Mineral Wells High School:: 60%white 35% brown 5% black okay so you see the difference? Now the reason I say colors and not African American, Mexican American, and Caucasian is to make a point…))
Now back to the story. The team we were playing took us to town and back. We played 4 games and they beat us badly. In the final game there were some very bad calls made, and the fans were getting into it, yelling at the refs. Especially a well known man from MW, he started yelling at the refs but then moved to the kids of the other team. This particular man is very active in his local church and claims to follow Jesus. Here’s where the night went sour. He started yelling at the girls from the other team, calling them trash, idiots, and my worst nightmare the “n word”. I couldn’t take it, I broke down in tears. How could anybody have the guts to do that? The kid didn’t do anything wrong but do what was she was told.

How can anybody claim to be a follower of Jesus, yet bash somebody because their skin color isn’t “right”? The saddest part of it, is this man is one of thousands maybe millions who believe like this. They see a color and not a person. They see a reputation of skin color and not the person. It baffles me. They serve Jesus Christ, and worship him, but I wonder if they ever really think about what Christ looks like. Jesus was born and lived in the Middle East, so in my personal opinion, Jesus didn’t have blonde hair, pale white skin, blue eyes, and was considered white. I bet he looked like all the other middle easterners. If the God they serve wasn’t their “right” skin color, how do they worship him?

It breaks my heart to see people act differently towards someone because of their skin color or ethnicity. God made EVERYBODY, ALL, TODOS! He made everybody so why in the world would we claim a “right” skin color. I have had friends who were Indian, Mexican, African, Asian, and White. I have dated White guys, Brown guys, and Black guys. I was raised not to see color, because God loves us all and he made us all in HIS image. We are all people who are no different from each other, except God just gave some people a better tan than others. That’s all.

In my opinion racism is a very serious disease that needs to be put to an end. It is a sickness that takes control of the mindset and is there because of years of brainwashing sent down by generations. We have to STOP! God made us ALL. So why don’t we start acting like God and love everybody regardless of what they look like!

Here are some verses.
- So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27

- But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers. James 2:9

-For God does not show favoritism. Romans 2:11

-Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sistertis still in the darkness. 1 John 2:9

-Stop judging by mere appearances, but instead judge correctly." John 7:24

-There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Galatians 3:28

Trials/Tribulation/Adversity/Adoption?

Yesterday at around noon my life changed quite a bit for the weekend. My grandparents came to visit and watch my sister play volleyball, and they brought my seven year old cousin. I love that little girl with all my heart, but you see, I've only known her for two years.

Brief story on Emmalynn:
I don't know all the details on her story but here is what I do know. Two years ago my uncle and aunt adopted that sweet little girl. She was living in very poor conditions, sometimes in a car. She didn't go to school like she was suppose too, and the love she needed wasn't there. My aunt and uncle had been trying to have kids, but couldn't so in return they took in Emmalynn. She was behind in her education and learning abilities and was very apprehensive. She had learned to be very self efficient.

Now with that said, remember that was the first 5 years of her life. In my opinion the first 5 years are crucial to being loved and cared for. My aunt and uncle are two of the most loving people I have ever met. They are totally self-less. When they took in Emmalynn, their lives changed dramatically. That can't be easy. They were thrown into parenthood in just a couple weeks. CRAZY! She has amazing manners, she is brilliant, and knows Jesus. Can you say awesome parenting in two years? A total gift from God right there.

Now let me tell you another story. You see Emmalynn's new daddy is my dad's brother but he looks nothing like my family. My grandparents have eight kids. Five biological children and three adopted children. Here's a story my grandpa tells about the adopted uncles and aunt.

Excerpt from John Burgeson's blog. Some story about Samuel!
He heard the very voice of God!

I've many times wanted to have that experience.
Never have though. But yet --

I'm going to tell you a story.

Think about January. Remember what it's like?

Picture with me a downtown street in Seoul, Korea
Friday, January 25, 1974. A few years ago.

Snow -- ice -- slush -- maybe freezing rain --
Dark. Gloomy. Unlike Durango!

An unpleasant time of year.

Two children walking along that street.
the boy is four, his sister is just two.
Her birthday was four days ago;
it was not a happy time.

The boy's right hand
(his left one is hurt)
is holding on tightly to little sister..
And her hand to his.

It's a miserable day
to be out in the cold.
It's a terrible day to be homeless.

It's a ghastly day to be orphans,
in a culture where orphans are "nobodies."

Last year was a disaster.
The little girl had been badly burned.
Mother died of "the sickness" last spring.
The boy's left hand mutilated in a farm accident.

The worse time of all came, however,
at Christmas time,
in the car crash,
when dad died.

The boy had seen it happen.
He remembered the flames.

Their home was a rental,
their possessions few.
No relatives.

A neighbor took them in for awhile.
But she couldn't keep them.

Now they are walking along this dismal city street
-- to an orphanage.

They'll be looked after there, more or less,
raised to adulthood, if they live;
the mortality rate is said to be 50%.

No family to love and nurture them;
adoption is not part of the Korean culture.

Their future is an institution;

the only love they will experience
is that which they have for each other.

It's cold in the city.

Two small children trudge up the dirty steps
of an impersonal, poorly-funded, overcrowded
government institution, their lives shattered.

Hand in hand they go.
Holding ever so tight to each other.

It's a dreadful day. Nobody cares.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I misspoke.

God cared. He had already been at work --
months earlier.

Sunday, August 12, 1973. The previous year.
Delray Beach, Florida.

With a growing family,
Carol and I had bought an unfinished house.
We were spending every available hour working on it,
keeping just ahead of the city building inspector!

It was a bigger job than we had imagined.

That Sunday we decided to skip our own church
for one down the block
where we could "sneak in/out" easily
and get back to the job early.

The kids settled in Sunday School,
we walked into the only adult class.

Oh no!
A retired missionary is going to lecture on a Psalm!
What have we done? Will we be able to stay awake?

Maybe we should go have a cup of coffee?

We stayed.

I don't remember the guy's name --
Don't remember his message!
But, oh my! I do remember the Scripture!
God's word. It burned! Deep.

Psalm 127: (Paraphrased)

Unless the Lord builds the house,
their labor is futile who build it.

It is useless for you to be early in rising
while being late in sitting up,
eating the bread of toil;
for he gives to His loved ones sleep.

Behold, children are a legacy from the Lord;
the fruit of the womb is His reward.
As arrows in the hand of a mighty man,
so are the children of one's youth.

Blessed is the man who has his quiver full of them.

Back home, Carol left on an errand,
the kids to whatever activities kids do,
on a warm Sunday afternoon
when dad's orders for house-building chores have mysteriously stopped.

I sat at the kitchen table
and pondered the message I had so clearly heard.
We had six children already, one adopted.
Resources were at the limit.

All the practical reasons in the world to ignore this word from the Lord.

That wasn't possible.

I drafted a letter to the adoption agency,
asking them for -- specifically -- a brother/sister pair;
I could "see" them as I wrote. Then I stopped.

"How am I going to explain this letter to Carol?" I asked myself.

Carol came in -- "I've just written a letter..." I began -- she stopped me.

(Here I'm reading from her notes, written shortly afterwards).

"Please let it wait.
I need to tell you of the most fascinating thought I had.
I think God is trying to tell us to have two more babies from Korea, a boy and a girl.
That lesson we heard this morning seemed to really speak to me!"

I showed her the letter.

Family council.

Unanimous consent.

The letter, signed by all the family,
down to the very youngest,
Daniel,
not quite four,
was mailed the next day.

The Lord had a test -- and a confirmation -- for us.

Now it's five months later. Monday, January 21, 1974.
A letter from the agency;
we were approved! Praise the Lord!
(Bureaucracies don't generally move that fast!).

Then, turn to page 2.
Devastation!

They had no brother/sister pair to fit our family!
They were suggesting a single adoption.

But this was wrong!

The Lord had told us differently!

Had He, really?

On Wednesday, January 23rd, 1974,
after considerable prayer,
we wrote back.

In essence, we said:

We're right

You're wrong.

We'll wait.

The Lord had promised us.
He enabled.

Two days later,
on January 25, 1974,
our beloved son
and our beloved daughter,
Byung Tae Jung, and Byung Tae Soon,
(David and Mary Lee),
entered the orphanage;

shortly after, they arrived into our home,
and lives,
and hearts.

God's plan.
Not ours.
We just did the physical stuff.

Oh God! What if we had left that class that day!

When I was a boy in Sunday School,
there was a hymn we sang.

I did not appreciate it then.
I believe it --
really believe it now:

When you walk with the Lord,
In the light of His word,
What a GLORY he shines on your way...

I have seen that glory...

Will you sing that hymn with me now?

You see adoption has run through my family. My grandma says that people ask her why she adopted Korean babies, and her answer was "i know what white ones looked like" I think we take our hardships, our trials, our bad days, and we act like the world is going to end. ((Now please know this I am not talking about serious trials and hardships) but what I am talking about is, when the day isn't going OUR way. When we get mad because life isn't how we want it. There are children all over the world who might not ever get a day that is even happy. They might not ever experience love and peace of a home, or even a place that they feel unafraid. ((are we all that lucky to have that, no, so I'm talking to those people too))

This is a long blog and I'm sorry, but last night as I was laying by my sweet little cousin... I realized that I serve a God that is beyond all my crappy/bad days. And that I have it GOOD! She said the sweetest prayer before bed, so I know she now has a peace, and she knows she is home. So my question is, are you home? Adoption isn't just getting a child and bringing them into your family. It's making a place a home, and God is our home when you take the gift of salvation, so have you ever had that feeling of being HOME?

So my challenge is not to go out and adopt (although if you want to GO FOR IT), but rather take all those crappy days and make them into good ones because we have it SO good. And if for some reason you can't make those happy days good, ask yourself are you really HOME?